August 30, 2019: Episode 2

You Can Call Me Molly Teacher (cw: mentions of student suicide, mental health in Korea)

I have officially completed my first week of teaching. My first few days were far from perfect and I am still very much learning about what kind of teacher I want to be and how I will connect with my students. I meet with each class of the school's first and second (7th and 8th) graders once a week for a total of 14 classes and close to 400 students. Here is a little bit more about week one:

The Students

As I anticipated, the students in fact sweaty little (pre) teens with bowl cuts and glasses who love to tease and constantly touch each other. The first graders are particularly energetic and seem to be a bit more interested in asking me questions about living in the States, what I think of Korea, and what my home is like. I had been warned that my students may also be interested in my personal life, and I did receive plenty of questions about my age, if I'm dating, and interestingly enough, how tall I am. I am determined to keep my age a 비밀 (bimil = secret) from my students, as I know I already look a little young. One of the highlights of my week was attending Cooking Club on Friday afternoon with some of my first graders. It was so fun to enjoy making food and getting to know them in a more casual setting. A major part of our discussion was sharing our love for rap music (I want them to think I'm cool) and anything and everything food related. The second graders are both a bit more rambunctious as well as paradoxically more shy. I've been told by my co teachers that students are likely nervous to speak English and may also suffer from the infamous 중2병 (jung-ibyeong = Grade 2 Syndrome). According to my co teacher, the second graders are notoriously "naughty," and while I haven't had to deal with any behavioral issues yet, I do sense that the second graders are much more easily distracted and generally more uncomfortable. The second graders mostly just scream "HI TEACHER!" at me in the hallway, stare a bit, and then run away.

Beyond the personality generalizations, I notice that so many of my students are incredibly busy and are dealing with a lot of academic pressure. Many of my students struggle to stay awake in class because they spend so much time studying, and many attend 학원 (hagwon = private, for-profit academies) for additional study at least a few times a week. For example, my sister doesn't return home until around 8 pm on many school nights because of math and English 학원. I had obviously heard about the intense academic culture in Korean schools before arriving, but I find that often from an American perspective, Korean students are praised for their work ethic and discipline, with little mention of the obvious downsides. I don't teach high school students, but many of them attend 학원 until 11 pm in order to prepare for the 수능 (suneung = high stakes college entrance exam) taken by third grade high school students. I know from personal experience how academic pressure has major consequences for students' mental health, and I am saddened but not surprised that in 2016, Korea reported suicide rate of 24.6/100,000 persons, the highest in the OECD. Knowing how much I struggled throughout points of my academic career to handle intense pressure, I want to be sensitive to my students' needs and bring a bit of fun into the classroom. They have so much to worry about, and I would hate to think that anything I do might add to their stress.

I'm still unsure about how I will go about trying to relate to them in a way that feels both genuine and is appropriate for the kind of professional persona I am trying to put forward. I've thought about trying my hand at PC games because they're really popular with my students, but I'm just not super interested. I'm also thinking about trying to get involved with the classes' lunch time intramural sports league, but as my dear friend Ben pointed out, I have to be good (If you know me, you know I am not. I have heart but no skill.) in order to win them over. Otherwise, I imagine myself staring down a sea of disappointed sweaty faces declaring "Teacher is lame," so I'm left at a bit of a loss. Some of my friends joke that I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy, so you would think it would be easy. My humor can be a little gross, a little aggressive, and very 바보, but I can't just run around roasting my students while laughing about poop and fake challenging them to fights. So here I am, literally googling "What do middle school boys like?" like the 멍청이 (meongcheongi = idiot) I am.

https://www.allkpop.com/article/2019/05/a-man-gifts-125-boxes-of-pizza-for-middle-school-students-who-returned-his-lost-wallet

I don't have pictures of students/don't know if I'm allowed to post them but here is an article from last year about two students who returned a wallet and were sent 125 pizzas to the school as a reward.

The Teachers

The teachers at my school are so welcoming, and I am relieved to know that my co teachers are so willing to help me. Of course, I still feel like I am a little awkward, especially with the older teachers or those that don't speak much English. I am currently still working up the courage to drop into the teacher's office and am still spending a good portion of my free time in my classroom. It's definitely still a work in progress. I eat lunch with the teachers everyday and am working on being able to add more to the conversation than letting everyone know that I like the food. There are also a few younger teachers that I am hoping to get to know a bit better (maybe make a new friend) and practice my Korean. Some of the teachers are also interested in improving their English so I will be starting a teachers' language exchange in the next few weeks. I am optimistic that I will be able to more confidently learn names and make some connections. Fingers crossed!

Teaching

So far, teaching is easily the most uncertain part of my life. While, Fulbright gave us some really great opportunities to learn, I am still a very green teacher. I started my week with and introduction lesson that was a little rough at first. I made some adjustments, and after introducing myself, I had my students partner up and ask one another basic questions while recording their partner's answer. After, I was THAT teacher and made everyone introduce their partner to the class. It was definitely lacking in the fun department and I think if I had to do it over, I would do something different. I mostly wanted to see where my students were at in terms of their speaking skills. Maybe it was a little too much given what I know now about my second graders, but I was hoping it would be a good heads up that I want to encourage speaking English out loud as much as I can.

I am in the midst of lesson planning for the next week and am thinking about starting with a future related unit and having them work on a Bucket List (Thank you to my fellow ETAs for the ideas) and have decided I want to include some kind of game every class to keep things fun and fresh. I guess it's just another one of those things that I'll have to feel out and play by ear.


Family Outings

My home stay family continues to be wonderful and they remind me of my own parents in some very comforting ways. They have taken me on a walk and a bike ride, which are some of my parents' favorite activities. We go visit the beach, which is only a few minutes away from my house on foot and poke around, just like my parents would. We also went to a recreational forest for a nice nature walk. Another thing that reminded me of home was "backyard" grilling. My family and I ate dinner outside with a little table and a gas burner. The night was perfect and I laughed my guts out.

Another small thing that makes me feel like I'm in the right place is a funny coincidence. My family and I were all talking about movies and I mentioned that I like sports movies, my favorite being Remember the Titans. I suggested that 오빠 watched and really hyped it up as my dad's (a reluctant movie watcher) favorite movie. Fast forward a day and my homestay sister comes home and tells me she watched Remember the Titans in class. It's definitely a small thing, but I guess I'm someone who believes in signs because I am taking it as a good omen.

KAA Stuff

The major thing here is that I get clocked as Korean A LOT. Immediately after I introduce myself as an English teacher, there's almost always a look of confusion and a follow up "Where are you from?" or "Are you Korean?" Anyone who knows me also knows that I could write very angsty novels about how much I HATE the question "Where are you from?" and I suspect that many POC that may be reading this can relate to this in some way. However, here I don't mind the question. In the States, "Where are you from?" feels like a thinly veiled attempt to sniff out "foreigners" which in my experience, is almost always directed at POCs, as if it is somehow impossible that we too could be seen as Americans. Yet, every time I get this question now, it feels different. Rather than trying to confirm that I am an outsider, "Where are you from?" almost feels hopeful, as if to say "Are you one of us?" So far, whenever I say that I am Korean here, it has only been met with warmth. It does often open up the question of "Why don't you speak Korean?" but rather than the judgement I expected to feel, it seems more like a concern/maybe a little pity that I never got the chance to learn. I think I am still bracing myself for that first judgmental comment to come my way, but it hasn't happened yet.

I was worried about how I would go about claiming my Korean identity here, and am lucky enough to have had plenty of support (KIMCHI BABES) in trying to figure that out. When talking to some fellow Korean Americans, I was really hung up on what I would say to people, and I remember being SHOOK when someone told me that it was totally my choice. At home, I feel obligated to explain, not only for the sake of my own budding cultural pride, but also because I am a very proud member of my family. It really bothers me that I move throughout this world with basically no one assuming correctly about who my family members are to me when I'm out in public. I'm still traumatized by the Costco guy who thought I was my dad's WIFE. So usually when I meet people, I end up having to give them a 30 second origin story. I'm used to it, but I am also used to people responding in ways I don't exactly love.

My least favorite response is when people start assuming a lot of things about my family dynamic just because my brothers and I are adopted. Yes, Martha and Dave are INCREDIBLE, but no, they're not heroes JUST because they adopted us. They're great parents because they love us just like they love my sister who is biologically related to them and they raised us well, which is literally what they LEGALLY PROMISED to do when then adopted us. So, yes, my parents are the best, but you can't assume that just because my mom didn't birth all of us.

My DAD

Anyway, I prefer the Korean responses I've gotten because no one has said anything about my parents. For once, they ask about me and only me. Usually, they tell me they're happy for me that I got to come back or ask me about why I wanted to come to Korea. I've been telling people the light version of my experience growing up in a predominately white environment and my struggle to fully understand/love myself as a result. In a way that I didn't expect, most people seem to completely understand. They say that they feel sad that I didn't grow up with other Koreans and even say that they are proud of me for wanting to learn. Honestly, it's pretty wild, because at home, I often have to fight to get those around me to understand. It's difficult to explain that although I am happy, I did grow up missing something, however big or small it may be. It is really a relief to be seen and understood the way I want to be, at least to a point.

I do want to add that although my upbringing had unique challenges, I am in a way, thankful for the perspective I have gained. I was reminded of this when talking to a third grade student who has now stopped by my room twice. He asked me questions about going to college in the States, as he shared that he hopes to do the same. We chatted for a bit and then he eventually asked me if people at American colleges are "germophobic" because I am Korean. At first, I didn't understand, but I realized that he was actually asking me about racism. Again, anyone who knows me also knows that I could write a four-part series about how the "subtle" brand of racism that so many Asian Americans and other POCs experience (aka microaggressions) is harmful, especially to young people, so I really wanted to handle my response with care. I basically just told him a simple version of the truth. Yes, he will likely encounter racism and it will likely be difficult to explain this to people around him who are not living the same experience, especially other white students. It sucks and it hurts. However, if he seeks out community and fellowship with other Korean/Asian/POC students he will likely find support. I told him that I feel lucky, because college is where I found people who not only loved me through the process, but also were able to truly empathize with my experience for essentially the first time. These people became some of my best friends and I feel so lucky to love and be loved by them.

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

This conversation felt important because it reminded me what I can bring to my work simply by being honest about who I am and what I care about. Obviously, this is a pretty perfect example of how my experience informed my professional life and allowed me to support a student in the moment, but it also helped me to start thinking about what ways I specifically may be well suited to be in the classroom with my students. At first, I was worried that my being Korean would be a disappointment for my students, as if I could never be the shiny (read: white) and new American teacher they hoped for, but now I am starting to see that may not be the case. Although I may be different from what my students might have imagined, the conversation I had this week reminded me that I have an opportunity to educate, just by existing in the space that I'm in. Maybe I'll never have another conversation with a student quite like this, but it helped me realize that I do have the ability to bring something new and important into the classroom. I just need to figure out what exactly I am capable of sharing and what my students really need from me. Again, it's all a big work in progress.

Final Thoughts

Things are pretty good out here in Seogwipo. I have a lot to think about these days, and although I don't always feel capable or qualified, I'm doing it. Hopefully, that counts for something. Also, I now have a Korean phone number so please either continue to message/call me through the app of your choice or ask for my new number. I'm working on taking more pictures! If I take more at school, I will add them in later.